Sunday, March 29, 2015

So, this post is not going to be one of my typical posts....I am going to just be blunt, because I need somewhere to let out my feelings and vent. Right now I am sad, and upset, and there is nothing to really fix the situation, and I need to let it out. I have fibromyalgia, and mine is so bad/severe that my neuro and rhemo docs think I have probably had it since I was about 3. When I was little, at night my legs would hurt so bad, I would cry and cry, I could not sleep....I would beg my mother to hit my legs in the top of the thigh muscle as hard as she could just so the pain would ease for a minute. Since then my legs have only gotten worse, and now it is throughout my body. I also have several other conditions such as neurological-cardiac syncope, paroxysmal atrial fibrillation, and Paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia. With these three heart conditions and my fibro, that in turn makes me very EXHAUSTED. I am only 35, however each morning is a SEVERE struggle just to get out of bed. I was working for a while, but I literally could not do my job any longer. I started having other medical issues due to too much stress. Now, my energy level is just so low. This morning for example, I got up got ready for church, drove to church, and came home, and I am exhausted. I have a HUGE pile of laundry that needs to be done, a kitchen that needs cleaning, and that is not even mentioning all of the the really deep cleaning that needs to be done. I just can't do it. Taking the kids to school in the morning and picking them up in the afternoon, is a chore. No one seems to understand that, or at least that is how it feels. I could be wrong. And now to my point. Our family use to be very involved at our church, we love our church family, they are truly our family. However, recently it has gotten so big that the only way to get involved is small groups and other ways during the week. Im doing good right now just to take the kids to school and back. And when summer gets here, I will be doing good, to not go insane with them being home 24/7. I am introvert/extrovert, which means I am an introvert until I want to be an extrovert, until I feel secure and happy. Which is with the ones I love and I feel safe. So, right now I feel alone all alone. I have God, and without Him I would truly have NOTHING!!! But, those of you know how it feels to be close to your God Family, and then not, and right now I am just sad. So, for now this is me missing all of you............
This layout was made using Sad times by Blue Heart Scraps, and template by Blue Heart Scraps too!

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